THE NICE GUY

Lacking the backbone to ask for what he wants directly, the Nice Guy conceals his desires by putting on a facade that he is helping you. Friendly, empathic, supportive, and concerned, the Nice Guy believes that if he can make you happy, he will be happy, too. The Nice Guy is everybody’s trusted friend, the kids’ athletic coach, the community service leader. He may have even chosen a career as a teacher, insurance agent, minister, or practitioner of the healing arts, because he feels at home in settings where the attention is on others rather than on himself. Somewhere along the line the Nice Guy decided that to be bold and direct meant trouble, especially with women, so he learned to keep his opinions and raw emotions to himself. As he gets up in years, he finds fewer and fewer places to stuff his feelings, which is why he is prone to passive-aggressive acts and rare but brutal fits of anger that are often out of proportion to the situation at hand.

When given a chance and nobody is looking, sometimes the Nice Guy will delight in doing things that are not so nice. Cutting other drivers off in traffic, giving bill collectors the slip, cursing his wife or children under his breath—even entertaining fantasies of destruction, terrorism, or adultery—give the Nice Guy a momentary bit of relief from the suppressing thickness of his facade.

The Nice Guy’s Shame
Spineless, hurtful, selfish, bad boy, ruthless, vindictive

The Nice Guy’s Challenge
The Nice Guy’s challenge is to make peace with his mean, angry, and sometimes bad self. Because the Nice Guy has lived his life being a slave to other people’s approval, his challenge begins when he decides to put his own preferences at the top of the list (not so nice). The next evolutionary step for every man who is wearing the Nice Guy mask is to become more overt with his requests and desires rather than sitting back and hoping they will magically be fulfilled if only he is nice enough. The ultimate challenge of the Nice Guy is to realize that it is not very nice to devote one’s life to looking after others while failing to look out for oneself. Once the Nice Guy recognizes this pitfall, he can channel the energy he has focused on others into making his own needs a top priority and creating a life that’s based in honesty and authentic power.

The Overachiever

The Overachiever is the most driven person of the bunch. Al- though they are generally successful, they are also continuously busy, overwhelmed, and almost always overcommitted. They pride themselves on how many important projects they can handle at one time and how many boards and committees they can participate in. They are the champions of the multitaskers. No matter how much they do, it is rarely enough to satisfy their insatiable hunger for success—which for them is food for their underappreciated wounded egos. Their feelings of unworthiness drive them to win at all costs even if it means barrel- ing over someone else. Achievements in the outer world are the yardstick by which they measure their inner worth.

Overachievers generally suffer from self-importance and ego- mania—a sure sign of their predatory nature. They are result- driven doers who won’t take no for an answer—from themselves or others. They are perfectionists whose disdain for mediocrity has them micromanage every detail and become overly con- trolling. Unfortunately for those who fl y with them, the Over- achiever is often harsh, critical, impatient, and judgmental of all the regular folk who gather around them to feed off their success. Few can withstand their high energy, and fewer still can keep up with the Overachiever’s frantic pace.

Because they have proved themselves through their successes, Overachievers feel entitled to better service, better lifestyles, and better benefits from those whose businesses they patronize, and as a result they often have unrealistic expectations and a hard time understanding the lifestyles of common, everyday people.

Inwardly unfulfilled and insecure, these types find it hard to sit still for even a moment. At their best, they are creative geniuses with enormous vision. At their worst, they are power- hungry people who seek the next big win at any cost.

The Overachiever’s Shame
Worthless, failed, boring, average, invisible, useless

The Overachiever’s Challenge
The Overachiever’s challenge is to stop defining who they are by the measurement of what they do. When the Over- achiever begins to place more value on their quality of life than they do their achievements, they learn to stop and savor the fruits of their labors rather than insatiably going after more and more. As soon as the Overachiever realizes that doing more is not an inoculation against being aver- age, he or she is free to experience the moment—not as a measure of their value but as an opportunity to experience and enjoy life.