This Week's Webstore Special Buy Why Good People Do Bad Things and get a free copy of The Gold Is In the Dark, a vintage CD recorded live at a lecture Debbie gave at the Chopra Center for Wellbeing at the launch of her career, where she invites you to discover the priceless gifts that are waiting for you when you learn to love even the most unlovable and unacceptable parts of yourself. Offer ends July 31st. Get the book and CD.

Meet The People Pleaser

People's lives are changing every day as they begin to see the faces of the false self and the masks of the wounded ego on themselves and on others, so I feel moved to share one of my favorite masks -- and one of the most common -- with you this week.

People Pleasers are one of my favorite types because, even though their behavior is rooted in sheer selfishness, they are actually good down to their core, and their need to please others generally helps someone else. True People Pleasers are usually people who were wounded badly in adolescence -- shamed until their needs no longer seemed important to them -- and learned at a young age that to survive with the least amount of stress thrown at them, they should try with all their might to make others happy. People Pleasers are prey for the predator types and feel deeply ashamed that they are just not worth the space they take up in the world. Their feelings of worthlessness, and the fear that they are nothing without someone else's love or approval, leave them with a driving need to prove their worth to others. People Pleasers are the ones with a warm smile on their face and the word prey stamped on their forehead. They are driven to capture your love by doing, overdoing, and then doing some more. They will give until there is nothing left of themselves and covertly feed off the one they are giving to in a less than healthy way. They may take the form of the love buyer, buying gifts and spending money that they don't have, in order to gain love. Their food is the adoration of others, and although they may look like they are giving, they are actually taking.

People Pleasers are always seeking the validation of others for all that they do. Unfortunately, their deep feelings of inadequacy rob them of actually hearing how important and appreci- ated they are to their receiver. When People Pleasers are acting from their emotional wounds, their self-sabotage comes from their inability to hear what another might truly want from them. Looking through their own filter of "How can I please you?" cuts them off from hearing, listening to, and being in touch with appropriate behavior, thereby cutting themselves off at the foot. The shadow of People Pleasers is their deep shame that they are nothing without you. "You" is whomever they happen to be attached to at the moment, together with the deeds they are doing on "your" behalf to prove how necessary they are.

What is the People Pleaser's shame? Useless,forgettable, insigificant, disposable, needy, unwanted, passive aggressive. And what is the People Pleaser's challenge? Buy the book and find out!

With love and blessings,